i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Randomize
