so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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