but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
