I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
