Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
