you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
