Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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