you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I deserve this hangover.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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