Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
