It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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