butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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