At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
