she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
