I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Never joke about your clitoris.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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