look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
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