it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
