But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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