Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
