It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Randomize