He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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