Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
