Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
