I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
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