I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
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