Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
