my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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