That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
