FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
