there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Randomize
