are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
