He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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