Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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