used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
