she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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