Your mouth is God's brothel.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
