I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
