Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Randomize
