38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Randomize
