I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
