ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
