Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
