did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
whose parrot is this?
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
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