hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
He passed out mid-signature
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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