Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
