i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
