I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
