just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
