I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
