we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
