I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
