I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Randomize