What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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