she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
