i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
