Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
