So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
my shit smells like andre
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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