Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
