I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
