If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
