I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
