She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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