He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
