I'm going to jail i love you
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize