You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
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