I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
